Merry Christmas

Hey friends and family,

First of all, Merry Christmas! I'm so glad it's here and that I have twelve days off to enjoy it. May you all be blessed and happy and loved.

Ok, I have a date with the snow, and my lovely sister,

Branden Thomas Carpenter

Apologies to the moon

Hi!

So I saw the moon out in the day and thought, "hmm, that's queer..." and then wrote this poem. I hope you enjoy it. Just for a little setting, I was driving by Drake park when the day moon caught my glance. Golden leaves were falling all around giving off a golden hue. It was an ethereal circumstance and I couldn't stop thinking about all of the vibrant colors and then the moon on top of it all... here we go :) 

I'm sorry moon, for pretending that you were the sun

I didn't mean to paint you into the day

But when I realized what I was doing, it was already done

Sometimes I think I see your shape among the clouds

Or that you a tree, stood here beside me

I should have stayed silent, let you still in your darkened shrouds

My eyes have told a lie, led me far away from true sight

So moon, stay in the night! 

summer, winter, spring or fall, they all become night and then

YOU! moon, disappear from this cluttered view

The shimmering light of day you're running to

If you were the leaf falling, golden and crisp from that proud tree

Would you glance my brow? or just another stepping stone for my feet would you be?

But no, ever changing globe of cheese

in the night is where you weep, for you can feel his warmth

but the sun burns out of reach 

and I, somewhere in between

Thanks for reading! I know it's a bit weird and I thank you for reading in spite of that.

Sincerely,

Branden Thomas Carpenter

Everyone is waiting on love

I wrote a song called Everyone is waiting on Love a while ago in order to draw awareness to the fact that if everyone is waiting then no one will ever actually be loved. It was a call to action, an obvious observation that I, oh so easily... forgot. 

I slowly started to realize my state of digression whilst talking to Phil about Bo Sterns' blog on marriage and the requirements of that one special person. It's pretty funny, really, reading something like that, and all the responses from other women. I realize that I am not the intended audience, but still, I read it and it gave me something to shoot for among other things.

More importantly, I was forced to re-think my previous thoughts regarding what I look for in someone. I guess I need to tell you what those thoughts are, before I continue.

I really just got tired of making lists of expectations, and more than that I realized that no matter how much I contrived plans, they would be foiled because His is greater. She will love Jesus, I know that. And we will be headed in the same direction, I know that also. I think God is spontaneous and great and more than that omnipotent and omniscient. He alone knows, and I can't wait to be surprised and taken back when he reveals it to me. 

Which leads me to my knew standard: What I look for in a significant other is God's plan. I pray for it and search for it and live from moment to moment by it. I believe that if I stay true and faithful to God, I will see his plan unraveling in that person and in life. I trust that, I really do. I trust it because He is so good in all other aspects of my life, He is good! 

If I could write to that person it would go something like this: 

Dear future wife,

Hi!  Here are some things I've been thinking about and I really wanted to tell you. Don't try to be something that you are not. Don't hold back from letting God take control of your life, don't give up on your dreams because people say you should be a certain way, and don't worry! You are beautiful and great! Just keep your eyes on Him and he will guide you and someday we will meet and celebrate because He is so good, so true, so loving. Shine with His light! Praise Him in everything you do. He is good. 

That's all I can really write without knowing the sort of things they would be interested in, you know, like the admiration of toast and it's simplicity and tastiness. 

Ok, back to "waiting on love." It is contrary to the way Jesus lived and the way he wants us to live. I'm sorry but I'm not going to wait, I'm going to go out there and stinking love some people and hopefully stick to His plan very closely. Just like Cassie said in her enthusiastic blog that I love "Can we just love some people" (that may not be exactly right, but you get the Idea. Sorry Cassie). When we serve and love, we will find truth, and Jesus, and all the desires of our hearts.

I hope this can be encouraging to all of us young people looking for Mr. or Ms. right. Remember how you got to where you are, remember He that created you, and remember that He is an awesome God just waiting to show you how good He is. 

Sincerely,

Branden Thomas Carpenter

not yet...

a fleeting sunset, you grasp for the golden rays of light but cannot hold on to it's beauty. An awkward feeling rises within you as if you stumbled upon this phenomenon before you ought. With every blink it changes, and solidifies the reality that in moments there will be dark in a place of warm, perfect, breathtaking light. Thinking back, there are so many things you wish you would have admired about it, or at least appreciated the brief moment more, but it's too late. You are thankful for the unexpected glimpse, but sorely reminded that something is missing, an insatiable void left in place of what seemed so perfect and infinite. And so, you let the dark void devour the light, clinging to the glimmer of hope that only tomorrow can bring, though, I doubt very much the auburn lady will pass our way again soon. 

Sincerely,

Branden

A little Psalm 33... for the road

I have been reading Psalms 33 everyday now for about a week because Mekenzie recommended it to me. I love it so much, I can't explain the feeling I got the first time I read "he made your heart" 

It really is amazing that we have a God that knows us that well, he understands what we go through. He gives us joy in our hearts, and the ability to feel His anguish for lost souls. Our God is a compassionate God that is concerned with matters of the heart. I want to live for He that is all the things in this verse. Every minute of everyday I want to be concerned with God things, because He is good, and true, and totally worth it!

Thanks Kenz for the verse, I wrote it below from the international children's bible NCV for those that would like to read it. It's just like a real bible only smaller...

Praise God Who Creates and Saves!

Sing to the Lord, you who do what is right.

Honest people should praise him.

Praise the Lord on the harp. 

Make music for him on the ten-stringed lyre.

Sing a new song to him.

Play well and joyfully.

God's word is true.

Everything he does is right.

He loves what is right and fair.

The Lord's love fills the earth.

The sky was made at the Lord's command. 

By the Breath from his mouth, he made all the stars.

He gathered the water in the sea into a heap.

He made the great ocean stay in its place.

All the earth should worship the Lord.

The whole world should fear him.

He spoke, and it happened.

He commanded, and it appeared.

The Lord upsets the plans of nations.

He ruins all their plans.

But the Lord's plans will stand forever.

His ideas will last from now on. Happy is the nation whose God is the Lord.

Happy are the people he chose for his very own. 

The Lord looks down from heaven.

He sees every person.

From his throne he watches everyone who lives on earth.

He made their hearts.

He understands everything they do.

No king is saved by his great army.

No warrior escapes by his great strength.

Horses can't bring victory.

They can't save by their strength.

But the Lord looks after those who fear him.

He watches over those who put their hope in his love.

He saves them from death.

He spares their lives in times of hunger.

Sour hope is in the Lord.

He is our help, our shield to protect us.

We rejoice in him.

We trust his holy name.

Lord, show your love to us as we put our hope in you.

 Just so you know this blog entry may be abrupt and in your face, but honestly it speaks of small things you can think about and maybe entrap into your personality or character in order to be a more conscious person. One that doesn't accidentally offend people due to ignorance and obliviousness. I'm not perfect at this, no one is, but I think it's good to try to be more aware of what is going on. To see how others are being affected by what you do or don't do and say or don't say. Thanks for reading this, I hope you enjoy this alternate writing style. Here are some things to think on. 

A number 1: Being late for things (events, social gatherings, picnics, rallies, meetings, not your job that doesn't count on this list, appointments, k that's good) is rude, and shows that you don't care.

I feel very passionate about that, and I know that everyone is late sometimes, that's fine... But don't you dare go being one o' them consistently late people! 

B number 2: When someone is taking the time to tell you something, it's usually important to them, and you should listen, make a comment that show's your listening and not just thinking up what the next thing is that you will say. Also, don't scan the room for someone cooler to talk to, actually, just don't scan the room at all when "engaged" in conversation with someone. Eye contact will take you places you never thought you would go. Also, try to use the person's name when appropriate, it shows respect.

C number 3: When you find yourself irritated or angry or even concerned with someone else follow these steps. 

First: Absolutely do not think that a small hint or riddle is a good way of informing someone that they are doing something wrong. Give me the truth! that's all I ask, and don't disguise it with cutting slander, or little tiny "jokes" that are meant to bring me down. If you are a hinter, there is a good chance that people may think everything you say is a judgment on them, and they will dislike you for that, I promise. 

Second: If you are capable of finding so much wrong with others, consider that you may be intruding on their life in order to pick at an open wound, thereby making yourself feel better about your own shortcomings. A great way to overcome this is to look for positive things in people and lift them up. Your positive reinforcement will really encourage them, and project back on you, making you feel great also.

Thirdly: Be slow to anger and irritability. You can't possibly understand where someone is coming from because you are not them. So recognize the moments when you start to get mad and put a little perspective in the mix. Ask yourself, "Are they really doing this to hurt or annoy me?" And remember, everyone gets boogers... just try not to look at it...

Please, dear friends, do not think that I have written this out of spite or anger for recent events. Rather, the fact that we are called to stand out, and be caring, compassionate, considerate people who look for opportunities to serve others and show them that we do care. Show them that we put them before our own self, just like Jesus Christ did for us when he laid down his life to save us.

Have a nice day!

Branden Thomas Carpenter 

Waiting and watching...

This post has the potential to be as {random, strange, queer} as my last one, if not a little more. Hopefully my thoughts will come together nicely, though, so not to distract the reader. Oh man! I can't believe I just wrote "the reader" I understand if that makes you stop reading, or best case, keep reading but stop paying attention. 

Anyway, I hope you had the chance to listen to Bo Stern speak last night. She was really great! I am thankful for leaders in our church that are so connected and wise, and thought provoking. Part of Bo's message regarding relationship with other humans was to pray, and watch and wait. I was thinking about that today and another thought came into my mind. This is it, not profound, at least not at first glimpse, but I think we are all affected by this statement. 

"Some of the best things in life are worth waiting for" 

I think some of you may disagree instantly, not because this is a horrible thought, but more because waiting seems so stagnant and inactive and shouldn't you be out there making things happen? Yes, of course, that's what I'm saying. See, check this definition of waiting out

Waiting: The action of staying where one is, or delaying action until a particular time or until something else happens.

Waiting is very much an action, and a choice and it is wise, because you are considering your actions, planning and not just acting out of emotion or something as movable as that. In essence you are sifting through all of these stimulants and things that enter into your life and choosing the very best. The best! the same best that God wants for us because He wants to prospure us and not harm us. I'm convinced, I believe that God has good things, great things in store for us. Things that are worth waiting for, and praying for, and watching for the time when He whispers in our ears, "Ok, go!"

Thanks for reading, and thank you Bo for being a great leader and speaker and friend!

Branden Thomas Carpenter

don't read this, or do...

For some reason I keep opening my blog page with total and utter disappointment because it doesn't change from time to time. No new blogs, or comments... Then I realized, I have full control over this, and so, here I am with more things that I think about way to much. 

I was reading James because Corey P. (that's his rap alias) said that it contains gems that contain information on how to live well and follow God's plan. James says many delicious things, one I really liked is that the tongue is evil and whomever can control their tongue can control their body. That's great! (I've started saying things are "great!" lately because it is a step up from good and it makes me think about why the thing is great instead of just uttering a mechanical response.) He also says that the sins of prodigals will be forgiven when a believer helps them find their way back, that one made me cry.

The rich, it seems, will be devoured by their greed, both sad and refreshing...

I miss a lot of things right now it seems, it's worse at night when I think much too much. I wish my sister were here, she helps me in these times and I miss that. The thing that is great about her is... well, everything. She is fun and funny, mature and childish which is great, I think everyone should be childish sometimes, it keeps you from making non-serious matters into issues of the utmost importance, and then partaking in co-rumination, which, may lead to depression and, well, is just a big waist of time. So yes! childish... sometimes I spend weeks of my life being child like, it's great! My sister is also smart, very smart! She is so beautiful and I'm really glad she is my sister. I think my future wife will be too because she is often a voice of reason in my life. You're the best sister!

Fishing! I'm going fishing this weekend with some of the men in my family and my Nanny and my brothers wife Colleen, she rocks.(fishes, hunts, dances, raises Aiden, makes tasty dinners) Bytheway, why don't we use these {} instead of these() I would like to know. I like the first ones way more! 

Anyway, back to fishing, I really really like it! Just ask anyone! {see, there is a great example of me being childish, and not on purpose...} Time spent fishing is time will spent, plus, when the United states of Canamerico {get it? it's a conglomeration of Canada, America and Mexico(:} go plummeting to the ground, my family won't starve, but thrive on delicious rainbow trout.

Do you ever wonder who is reading your blog but not commenting? I do, and maybe no one is, who knows? I sure don't. It's great when people write on their blogs frequently! Because then I frequent their blogs, instead of my own, which like I said before doesn't change as much as I would like. 

Ok, here is a question I would like very much to ask: Have any of you ever held a baby while it falls asleep in your arms? Is that not the greatest, most surreal experience? I just love it! First of all, you are holding the essence of a human being, which seems like it should be way too heavy for a single person to hold. Sometimes their tiny fingers grip suddenly and tightly onto you, you are thier protector and you comfort them. Sometimes I don't even want to put them in their beds because it's such a crazy, awesome feeling holding a little person in your arms. Hearing their little breath squeeze through their little nostrils, seeing their tiny feet wiggle as their minds try to grasp all the new stimulants they procured that day. They are so so sweet!

Oh man, this blog is all over the place, but I kinda like it and I am really excited about sharing things right now. Well, I was excited, now I'm done though.

I hope work, school, parenting, and other things you do are going well for you!

Gosh you guys rock!

Sincerely,

Branden Thomas Carpenter 

familiar eyes

Early this morning as I lay tranquil, stumbling in and out of sleep, I suddenly found myself miles from my bed in an unfamiliar forest. My dad and I were in stride trailing an elk we had heard bugle not far from our position. My dad bugled back and then whispered to me between excited pants, desperate for the ice cold mountain air "we got him! make your way up to that bushy tree and notch an arrow." I moved quietly... quickly to the decided spot and made myself ready. My heart beat with an untamable rapidity, but my hand was steady and I drew back my bow as the brownish figure came into view. I waited... and then the Elk gave me a good shot and I took it. Somehow my arrow multiplied into four.

He was stunned by the blow and bolted across the wood to a large oak where he lay down to die. Then with one last installment of adrenalin and vigor, he pulled himself up by his front legs, dragging his hind legs limp and useless behind him. A pool of blood seemed to follow him as he crept in my direction. No animal should have survived that long, but his eyes were locked on mine, not in anger but more as if he wanted to tell me that he loved me. Five feet, three feet, face to face the elk and I sat. I knew his face, I could recognize him but I know not how. He looked at me with the most tender and loving eyes and gave me a kiss. Then it was done, I laid his head in my lap in shock and awoke in my bed. 

Today has haunted me with this dream, intense and brutal, it will not give me leave. I had to write it down because I didn't know what else to do.

Regretfully yours,

Branden

God has a way of making you feel stupid and amazing all at once

What I realized shortly after my last blog is:

A)God does speak to me on a daily bases.

2)I already knew the above, That's why I feel stupid. I feel amazing because I heard that small powerful voice and God reaffirmed his presence and voice in my life and that is good!

I was walking through the forest just west of Green ridge a few weeks ago and it was beautiful! It was not six a.m. pre nautical twilight. Owl's cooed softly in the great ponderosa trees, every snap of a twig, an earth shaking event. A majestic silence, preceded by years of thoughtful quietness and grandeur. In that still beginning I found God and he spoke to me in the cool breeze.

 The piercing beep of a text message tore through the quiet(there is no escape from technology). It was a relatively new and very valued friend who had also felt the presence of God in those early morning hours. A slightly more urban setting was her dwelling, however. "Stay in the tent" she said. I knew the verse, but not how it applied to the current situation. I had no tent, no cover, it was just pure nature, pure God in his awesome creation. So I sat, and I listened to a voice that spoke things I didn't understand. Like a child who recognizes his fathers voice, yet knows not the words he speaks, I was comforted in his illustrious presence. And I stayed. 

Again I waited in that same wood, and again he came upon me. This time like warm milk and honey, a sensational ecstasy that could only be relieved by rejoicing in His goodness. "Praise Jesus" I whispered, "thank you for this beautiful forest God."He gave me insight and relieved my angst. He brought piece and comfort to my restless and ensnared mind. He spoke to me of what I might need for the months ahead and all of my worries dropped away. He brought my eyes upon my dad hunkered down behind a massive Cedar. Immediately I was grateful for my dad, and that precious time that we spent being still together. Understanding flowed from God's hands into my mind. For that moment I knew it was all okay and that God would be with me if only I seek him. I knew that not doing so would be the biggest mistake of my life. So I listen for his word, react to his mighty voice, and stay in the tent that is his presence.

Thanks for reading,

Branden

life is hard...

First of all, thanks for reading this blog! I really appreciate it. I apologize that my blogs are not(for the most part) personal updates, but they are things that I think about daily and love to talk about and chances are pretty good that if you converse with me, you will hear parts or all of these thoughts, incomplete as they are. In that way you know me better than you thought, and I get the chance to reveal to you the essence of who I am, how I think and react to the world and God, without ever having to let you buy me coffee. That being said, here's what I think:

I had a conversation with my Aunt Shannon several months ago about life and she said something to me that stuck with me, though, I didn't feel the impact of it right away. She said "life is hard, and it's hard to keep on going, and be true to yourself and to God." Life is hard: If you live in an impoverished country then you struggle to find food and rest and life is hard. If you are born with deformities or anything that hinders your "normalcy," life is hard. If you are blinded by a false sense of security and allow yourself to sleep walk through life unaffected, life is hard. If you listen to the steady quiet voice of God and choose to follow Him, life is still hard. "and it doesn't get easier" she said. My uncle always says "life is hard, and if your stupid, it's really hard." Jesus told us we will suffer, and that sounds hard. Michael from the office says "I'm out of answers, I'm just a guy on a train with no answers, I hope that's a good enough answer for you." And he says that because life was hard. I think I will make a list of things that are hard for me. 44 in all, but who's counting?

Losing a game of skipbo is hard

Missing a dear friend is really really hard

Not knowing what to do next is hard

Writing about life being hard is hard

Not having your sister close 

waking up before 6am

simple addition

doing things the hard way

and making lists, so I'm going to stop short and give Bo the victory for lengthiest (but very good still) list.

Trusting that God wants to prosper us and not harm us is so difficult! But He is good, and I have learned to trust him. The thing that I struggle with most is trusting myself. Trusting that I heard God correctly, or sometimes even at all, and that I am following through with what he asks of me. If I'm being honest, I don't think I have ever been absolutely positive that what I was hearing was God when I heard it. Here is how it usually goes down... I ask a question in my head, then shake it vigorously and an answer like "it is not likely" or "better luck next time" echoes in my ears. Obviously I'm joking to some extent, but sometimes that's how I feel I get my answers. 

So, how exactly can you tell that what you decided to do was God. For instance, say I made one of the most difficult decisions of my life recently. I gave myself time to pray, and then acted, and I feel horrible! really really horrible. What is that? Why does something that I thought was right make me want to fall to my knee's in tears and pray that God give me strength to endure? Of course this is a hypothetical situation because clearly nothing would make me want to cry that much... Anyway, if it were the case, is the prerequisite for reliance on God being absolutely miserable for a time? Maybe not absolutely miserable, but deeply saddened. Or better yet, why would one allow their heart to be infiltrated by another, when it is perfectly happy with the presence of God? It's like a titer-toter with God on one side and someone who means a lot to you on the other and you allow them to weigh more for a bit, but with each cycle of the lever, God comes down heavier and heavier. I wouldn't want to be on the other side of God in that situation, but in some ways maybe I have been. And then there is that person that sits on the titer-toter and it elevates God to his rightful place in your life and makes you go running after Him even more than you ever have. I guess lot's of people can do that for us, friends, family, husbands/wives, children, pastors, pastors' children, teachers, heroes... the list goes on but I think a lot of people have that number one person that really inspires them, you know? I could be wrong, I admit I don't know a whole lot. I've watched my parents ,though. I see that my Mom loves my Dad a whole lot, so much in fact, that she is willing to do almost anything for him, and he would do anything for her and is a great example of a husband who loves his wife to me. So naturally I assume that it is that way, without being absolutely positive. 

What I do know for sure, is that God is worth seeking after with your whole heart and sometimes that means going headlong into life completely blind to what is in store, or making a decision that you think is right, and if it's not, God will let you know I'm sure. For now I am thankful for time well spent, for time afforded me and for time that He has not yet revealed. 

Thank you for reading!

Branden

It's back!

Finally the feeling, that, without doubt but sometimes much delay, is back. That, being the feeling of: I need to tell you some more stuff (or crap as per my last entry, but this one is a little more withheld). I don't know where it is going, but It starts with this:

The feeling that you are going to explode with anger if you don't do something really immature immediately, which you will regret soon after. If you've ever attempted a puzzle with your grandparents (whom we all love), you absolutely know what I mean. And I'm not talking the nice ten piece puzzles of beauty and the beast, oh no... we're talking the eighteen million piece picture of a blue lake reflecting a very blue sky and one little duck in the middle and a white cloud if you're lucky. It's funny, really, that such a peaceful, serene picture can make a person so angry. More times than I can count I've had to leave the puzzle table in search of Nanny's soothing chocolate chip cookies, that will divert my need to punch a wall or hit my face on a slab of concrete, ok, maybe not that one. 

Usually, I don't know why I feel such an uneasy feeling (unless I'm involved in the puzzle from above). If you asked me, "hey Branden, what's wrong?" I would say, "I don't know, I just feel off today" and then I would spend the next ten or fifteen... hours of the day trying to put my finger on why I feel so weird. Maybe you haven't done this, but if you have, then you know that feeling that just won't leave you alone and for some -or- no reason, refuses to let you be happy. 

The reason I am so glad to write to you now (if you heard Corey's message you already know) is that you can choose to make your soul be at peace. I'm so excited about this, and now I realize why I am such an avid nature lover. Because, when I go into the vast wild that God has created my priorities are set straight; I have a healthy fear of God and his creation, I understand that I am very small and He is enormous, and I understand that I am part of this awesome creation. Suddenly, I am at peace. Corey Talked about being like Jesus, and how, out of all the things He did and all of the unconditional love He poured out, being at peace is really one of the more simple Jesusisms we can imitate. Yes, I made up a word in that last sentence. Anyway, That's actually all I have to say.  So take a walk, or go on a drive, or even hide in your closet and do a Lion King puzzle, no, don't do the puzzle part actually, but find God in the quiet. Let's be a people of peace and stillness and faith, hearing every beautiful word that God wispers to us. What an awesome God! What an awesome opportunity to be with our maker!

Corey, if you read this, thanks for that message!

Sincerely,

Branden

Why not?

So, I'm sitting in Backporch coffee (i'm sure none of you have heard of it)... and I thought about how much I not only want to, but need to tell you some crap in order to maintain sanity. It's the feeling of, I'm going to burst at the seems if I don't at least write this down and think it through. I have decided now is a good time to tell you what is on my mind.

~Ok, so think about this for a second, How much time do you spend trying to prove to people you're the person you think you should be?

In other words, how honest are you in portraying yourself to other people? We want people to see the best of us. I've never met someone and thought to myself "hmm, I'm really going to give this person my worst. I am going to shake their hand and then spit on their shoe...that'll teach them to think I'm a good person." However, I have devised equally devious plans to help show people that I am,    such a good person! 

Honestly, I feel horrible admitting that I deceive people daily, but what it comes down to is there is only one being that is not at all deceived, and so, when everyone else finds out what a jerk you are, sorry, I am, only he will still be standing next to you/me. My inadequacies lead me to absolute reliance on God, and that is why I have to tell you I'm a liar. I don't want to be pretentious anymore, if you see good in me let it be God's goodness shining through, for surely I do not posses the talent of pure goodness all on my own. 

The problem is that this world is so darn competitive that we allow no room for inadequacy, and thus, no room for God. No wonder God breaks us down before he lifts us up. From a very early age you and I are pinned against each other to be the smartest, strongest, fastest, coolest and anything short of that is not ok, it's failure, lazy, and dreamless. Naturally we learn to deal with these unrealistic expectations by lying to ourselves and others to make it seem as though we are not letting society down. And God has that to work with... 

Pretty soon, you are listening to your friend tell you, "I'm sorry, I was just being who I thought you wanted me to be." and in that horrible moment you realize that the person you knew doesn't exist, and that it's because you expected, or at least seemed to expect too much from them. 

So if I have lied to you I am sorry, and if you have lied to me then I blame myself, and would rather know the worst things about you than a million good things you wish you were. 

Wow! I feel so much better now. Thanks!

~Branden~