familiar eyes

Early this morning as I lay tranquil, stumbling in and out of sleep, I suddenly found myself miles from my bed in an unfamiliar forest. My dad and I were in stride trailing an elk we had heard bugle not far from our position. My dad bugled back and then whispered to me between excited pants, desperate for the ice cold mountain air "we got him! make your way up to that bushy tree and notch an arrow." I moved quietly... quickly to the decided spot and made myself ready. My heart beat with an untamable rapidity, but my hand was steady and I drew back my bow as the brownish figure came into view. I waited... and then the Elk gave me a good shot and I took it. Somehow my arrow multiplied into four.

He was stunned by the blow and bolted across the wood to a large oak where he lay down to die. Then with one last installment of adrenalin and vigor, he pulled himself up by his front legs, dragging his hind legs limp and useless behind him. A pool of blood seemed to follow him as he crept in my direction. No animal should have survived that long, but his eyes were locked on mine, not in anger but more as if he wanted to tell me that he loved me. Five feet, three feet, face to face the elk and I sat. I knew his face, I could recognize him but I know not how. He looked at me with the most tender and loving eyes and gave me a kiss. Then it was done, I laid his head in my lap in shock and awoke in my bed. 

Today has haunted me with this dream, intense and brutal, it will not give me leave. I had to write it down because I didn't know what else to do.

Regretfully yours,

Branden

God has a way of making you feel stupid and amazing all at once

What I realized shortly after my last blog is:

A)God does speak to me on a daily bases.

2)I already knew the above, That's why I feel stupid. I feel amazing because I heard that small powerful voice and God reaffirmed his presence and voice in my life and that is good!

I was walking through the forest just west of Green ridge a few weeks ago and it was beautiful! It was not six a.m. pre nautical twilight. Owl's cooed softly in the great ponderosa trees, every snap of a twig, an earth shaking event. A majestic silence, preceded by years of thoughtful quietness and grandeur. In that still beginning I found God and he spoke to me in the cool breeze.

 The piercing beep of a text message tore through the quiet(there is no escape from technology). It was a relatively new and very valued friend who had also felt the presence of God in those early morning hours. A slightly more urban setting was her dwelling, however. "Stay in the tent" she said. I knew the verse, but not how it applied to the current situation. I had no tent, no cover, it was just pure nature, pure God in his awesome creation. So I sat, and I listened to a voice that spoke things I didn't understand. Like a child who recognizes his fathers voice, yet knows not the words he speaks, I was comforted in his illustrious presence. And I stayed. 

Again I waited in that same wood, and again he came upon me. This time like warm milk and honey, a sensational ecstasy that could only be relieved by rejoicing in His goodness. "Praise Jesus" I whispered, "thank you for this beautiful forest God."He gave me insight and relieved my angst. He brought piece and comfort to my restless and ensnared mind. He spoke to me of what I might need for the months ahead and all of my worries dropped away. He brought my eyes upon my dad hunkered down behind a massive Cedar. Immediately I was grateful for my dad, and that precious time that we spent being still together. Understanding flowed from God's hands into my mind. For that moment I knew it was all okay and that God would be with me if only I seek him. I knew that not doing so would be the biggest mistake of my life. So I listen for his word, react to his mighty voice, and stay in the tent that is his presence.

Thanks for reading,

Branden

life is hard...

First of all, thanks for reading this blog! I really appreciate it. I apologize that my blogs are not(for the most part) personal updates, but they are things that I think about daily and love to talk about and chances are pretty good that if you converse with me, you will hear parts or all of these thoughts, incomplete as they are. In that way you know me better than you thought, and I get the chance to reveal to you the essence of who I am, how I think and react to the world and God, without ever having to let you buy me coffee. That being said, here's what I think:

I had a conversation with my Aunt Shannon several months ago about life and she said something to me that stuck with me, though, I didn't feel the impact of it right away. She said "life is hard, and it's hard to keep on going, and be true to yourself and to God." Life is hard: If you live in an impoverished country then you struggle to find food and rest and life is hard. If you are born with deformities or anything that hinders your "normalcy," life is hard. If you are blinded by a false sense of security and allow yourself to sleep walk through life unaffected, life is hard. If you listen to the steady quiet voice of God and choose to follow Him, life is still hard. "and it doesn't get easier" she said. My uncle always says "life is hard, and if your stupid, it's really hard." Jesus told us we will suffer, and that sounds hard. Michael from the office says "I'm out of answers, I'm just a guy on a train with no answers, I hope that's a good enough answer for you." And he says that because life was hard. I think I will make a list of things that are hard for me. 44 in all, but who's counting?

Losing a game of skipbo is hard

Missing a dear friend is really really hard

Not knowing what to do next is hard

Writing about life being hard is hard

Not having your sister close 

waking up before 6am

simple addition

doing things the hard way

and making lists, so I'm going to stop short and give Bo the victory for lengthiest (but very good still) list.

Trusting that God wants to prosper us and not harm us is so difficult! But He is good, and I have learned to trust him. The thing that I struggle with most is trusting myself. Trusting that I heard God correctly, or sometimes even at all, and that I am following through with what he asks of me. If I'm being honest, I don't think I have ever been absolutely positive that what I was hearing was God when I heard it. Here is how it usually goes down... I ask a question in my head, then shake it vigorously and an answer like "it is not likely" or "better luck next time" echoes in my ears. Obviously I'm joking to some extent, but sometimes that's how I feel I get my answers. 

So, how exactly can you tell that what you decided to do was God. For instance, say I made one of the most difficult decisions of my life recently. I gave myself time to pray, and then acted, and I feel horrible! really really horrible. What is that? Why does something that I thought was right make me want to fall to my knee's in tears and pray that God give me strength to endure? Of course this is a hypothetical situation because clearly nothing would make me want to cry that much... Anyway, if it were the case, is the prerequisite for reliance on God being absolutely miserable for a time? Maybe not absolutely miserable, but deeply saddened. Or better yet, why would one allow their heart to be infiltrated by another, when it is perfectly happy with the presence of God? It's like a titer-toter with God on one side and someone who means a lot to you on the other and you allow them to weigh more for a bit, but with each cycle of the lever, God comes down heavier and heavier. I wouldn't want to be on the other side of God in that situation, but in some ways maybe I have been. And then there is that person that sits on the titer-toter and it elevates God to his rightful place in your life and makes you go running after Him even more than you ever have. I guess lot's of people can do that for us, friends, family, husbands/wives, children, pastors, pastors' children, teachers, heroes... the list goes on but I think a lot of people have that number one person that really inspires them, you know? I could be wrong, I admit I don't know a whole lot. I've watched my parents ,though. I see that my Mom loves my Dad a whole lot, so much in fact, that she is willing to do almost anything for him, and he would do anything for her and is a great example of a husband who loves his wife to me. So naturally I assume that it is that way, without being absolutely positive. 

What I do know for sure, is that God is worth seeking after with your whole heart and sometimes that means going headlong into life completely blind to what is in store, or making a decision that you think is right, and if it's not, God will let you know I'm sure. For now I am thankful for time well spent, for time afforded me and for time that He has not yet revealed. 

Thank you for reading!

Branden